The king is dead, long live the king!

So Kevin Rudd got in, in a Rudd slide, woo hoo, not a landslide mind you, a Rudd slide. Well I am so excited I think I might rush out and get a job. I actually got a text message, from an anonymous texter that said:

"Yay for Labour! I'm gonna get a f*cken Job!".

Woo hoo, from now on we'll all be able to have gravy with our meat and three veg, cause the jobs gravy train has just left the station. No idea who it was from, except that their number ends in 643. Wonder if it will be a real job, and whether a hair cut will be required. I was so excited for Mr or Mrs anonymous that I sent one back saying"

"Goodonya, who ever you are!"

I expected Mr anonymous to get back to me with "It's me, Kev baby, me of the Ruddslide, there's gonna be some changes, watch this space", but alas I had another sleepless night, tossing and turning, wondering who the soon to be employed person is. K-Rudd obviously figured that whilst I was worthy of a text, he didn't really wanna have a chat. Maybe he was rubbing my nose in his victory.

If a landslide can be re-defined as a Rudd slide, we need to steel ourselves for any further re-definitions of the English language. I'm tipping that Kruddworthy will be added to the lexicon of the English language. Work choices is obviously not Kruddworthy. Kyoto, definitely Kruddworthy, although for a while there it was only Kruddworthy if China and India get involved. I can see the thinking;

"What if we have a party and China and India don't turn up?"

If China and India don't turn up, the thinking goes, we should take our "bat and ball" and go home till they are willing to take it seriously. Well kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it, which apparently was the whole reason why John Winston didn't wanna get down and jiggity with this whole Global Warming thingy. Apparently it was because of jobs, and the whole economy thingy, but I suspect it was more about thinking that having a party without those two was just not worth it. Happens all the time, you would be surprised how many parties are cancelled when people realise that I am not turning up. So anyway, Krudd has decided he will sign Kyoto with or without China and India, good on him, that'll learn em, we can party well enough with, or without them.

Anyway, been wondering what the rest of the world thinks of the Kruddslide:

Malaysia is hopeful that Australia’s newly-elected Labor government will bring about positive changes that would further enhance bilateral ties between the two nations.

Well so do I, but then I am biased, I've been embracing bi-lateral relations with a Malaysian for a few months now. I've been bewitched by a Malaysian succubus, so my thoughts on this matter should quite rightly be ignored.

Apparently Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono was the first person to ring Krudd to congratulate him. Sounds like someone was sitting up hoping and praying for a Kruddworthy labour Victory.

Anyway, gots to go, much work to do, protecting my job from all these giddy labour voters finally looking at getting a job.

Did I Say That?

Last week I predicted that the Liberals would win the Australian Election on the 24th of October. And I stand by that prediction. Although following the apparent Rudd-Slide, my zero regular readers have been bombarding me with the huge number of nil nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah e-mails.

You see what the Australian public fails to realise is that that was a non-core prediction. If you'd wanted a core prediction, i would have said there will be winners and losers, many drinks will be had at the pub, and the big screen plasma TV normally only brought out on Grand Final Day will get much use at election parties on the weekend.

Rat's Milk Latte' Anyone?

PAUL McCartney's estranged wife overnight accused consumers of meat and dairy products of fuelling global warming, as she launched a vegan campaign at London's famous Speaker's Corner.

Heather Mills, ............. , suggested people could drink the milk of rats or cats, rather than milking cows. Viva, an animal rights campaign group, claims dairy and meat products are major causes of greenhouse gases.

Good Idea, this way i can break into dairy farming, all i need is a couple of Rats an intensive breeding program, and presto, dariy farmer extraordinaire. Little details exactly how i intend to milk the buggers can wait til later. No doubt technology will provide a solution.

"There are 25 alternative milks available in health shops and supermarkets," she said, saying she turned vegan when an African woman at Live 8 asked her: "Why don't people stop drinking cows' milk lattes?"
"Why do we not drink rats' milk, cats' milk or dogs' milk?"

My guess is that we find the thought of rats and dogs milk disgusting and dry wretch worthy. But that won't stop me providing milk to feed you disgusting habits. No Siree, show me the money.

The 39-year-old was speaking to a group of journalists - and a few tourists - standing in front of a poster showing her in a sultry pose and skimpy top with the slogan: "Hey Meaty, you're making me so hot!"

I always knew she liked me, wonder if I will have to sign a pre-nup?

Liberals To Win Federal Election 2007

Going out on a limb here, John Winston Howard and Co will win the federal Election 2007. There, I said it, it had to be said, so whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing, since you don't know where i live. Nyah, Nyah, Nyah Nyah.

Politics, it's such a dignified occupation. Take these Keating-isms as an example taken from that golden age of politics where no-one was spared to rage of Keating:

Via the "Paul Keating Insults Page"

On Prime Minister John Howard:

"The little desiccated coconut is under pressure and he is attacking anything he can get his hands on"

"For Mr Howard to get to the high moral ground, he would first need to climb out of the volcanic hole he had dug for himself over the last decade. It is like one of those diamond mine holes in South Africa. They are about a mile underground. He would have to come a mile up to get to even equilibrium let alone have any contest in morality with Kevin Rudd."

"What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him."

"He's wound up like a thousand day clock..."

"...the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition..."

(Of his 1986 leadership) "From this day onwards, Howard will wear his leadership like a crown of thorns, and in the parliament I'll do everything to crucify him."

"He is the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague."

"But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It's like 'Spot the eyebrows'."

"I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot..."

"He has more hide than a team of elephants."

"I do not want to hear any mealymouthed talk from the Member for Benelong."

"The principle saboteur, the man with the cheap fistful of dollars."

"Come in sucker."

On Federal Treasurer, Peter Costello:

"The thing about poor old Costello is he is all tip and no iceberg. He can throw a punch across the parliament but the bloke he should be throwing a punch to is Howard, but of course he doesn't have the ticker for it."

"He has now been treasurer for 11 years. The old coconut is still there araldited to the seat. The treasurer works on the smart quips but when it comes to staring down the prime minister in his office he always leaves disappointed. He never gets the sword out."

Via Wikiquote

Government cannot get the adjustment, get manufacturing going again, and keep moderate wage outcomes and a sensible economic policy, then Australia is basically done for. We will end up being a third rate economy... a banana republic.
Speaking to John Laws on Radio 2UE, May 14, 1986.

A dog returning to his vomit
Referring to Wilson Tuckey, 1990, after Tuckey repeatedly called out the name "Christine" in Parliament.

The Placido Domingo of Australian politics.
Self description, based on the assessment that Domingo's performances are "sometimes great, and sometimes not great, but always good". Press Gallery Christmas dinner, 1991.

It was we who did the dispossessing. We took the traditional lands and smashed the traditional way of life. We brought the diseases. The alcohol. We committed the murders. We took the children from their mothers. We practised discrimination and exclusion. It was our ignorance and our prejudice. And our failure to imagine these things being done to us.
1992 The Redfern Speech, launching International Year of Indigenous Peoples

I would forbid him going going to the Senate, to account to this unrepresentative swill over there...
1993 Parliamentary speech referring to the Senate, in contrast to the House of Representatives.

This is the sweetest victory of all. This is a victory for the true believers; the people who, in difficult times, have kept the faith.
1993 election victory speech.

A familiar question for Australians is how much we are a product of our circumstances, and how much we are what we have made ourselves to be. In truth, by the act of migration the country was made: by that voluntary act and by the emigrants' ambitions it was built.
Address to the Dáil Éireann, the lower house of parliament of the Republic of Ireland, 20 September, 1993.

Don’t ask me any more questions about Mahathir. I couldn’t care less frankly whether he comes to Seattle or not next year. APEC is bigger than all of us – Australia, the United States, Malaysia, Mahathir – or any other recalcitrants.
Informal comment to the media at Seattle Airport, 22 November 1993.

We will not adopt the fantastic hypocrisy of modern conservatism which preaches the values of families and communities, while conducting a direct assault on them through reduced wages and conditions and job security.
Election campaign launch, February 14, 1996.

By the year 2000 we should be able to say that we have learned to live securely, in peace and mutual prosperity among our Asian and Pacific neighbours. We will not be cut off from our British and European cultures and traditions or from those economies. On the contrary, the more engaged we are economically and politically with the region around us, the more value and relevance we bring to those old relationships. Far from putting our identity at risk, our relationships with the region will energise it.
Election campaign launch, February 14, 1996.

In the end it's the big picture which changes nations and whatever our opponents may say, Australia's changed inexorably for good, for the better.
Concession Speech, March 2, 1996.

No choice we can make as a nation lies between our history and our geography. We can hardly change either of them. They are immutable. The only choice we can make as a nation is the choice about our future.
"A Prospect of Europe", 1997 speech at the University of New South Wales.

You just can't have a position where some pumped up bunyip potentate dismisses an elected government.
In reference to former Governor-General John Kerr. The Great Crash for The World Today book launch, 9 November, 2005.

[Australian Reserve Bank] Governor MacFarlane said recently when Paul Volcker broke the back of American inflation it's regarded as the policy triumph of the Western world. When I broke the back of Australian inflation they say, "Oh, you're the fellow that put the interest rates up." Am I not the same fellow that gave them the 15 years of good growth and high wealth that came from it?
7:30 Report interview, May 8, 2006

Between 1999 and 2004 there was no investment in Australia, it all went into housing and consumption all borrowed on the current account. When Peter Costello runs around saying, 'Oh we've paid off the debt,' it's like the pea and thimble trick. The Government debt or the massive private debt abroad? It's continuing to grow.
7:30 Report interview, May 8, 2006

The little desiccated coconut is under pressure and he is attacking anything he can get his hands on... (he is) still there araldited to the seat.
In reference to Prime Minister John Howard. ABC Radio interview, March 5, 2007.

All tip and no iceberg.
Referring to Treasurer Peter Costello, ABC Radio interview, March 5, 2007.

The fact is Burke is smarter than two thirds of the Western Australian Labor Party rolled together
Referring to disgraced former Western Australia Premier Brian Burke, ABC Radio interview, March 5, 2007.

For John Howard to get to any high moral ground he would have to first climb out of the volcanic hole he's dug for himself over the last decade. You know, it's like one of those deep diamond mined holes in South Africa, you know, they're about a mile underground. He'd have to come a mile up to get to even equilibrium, let alone have any contest in morality with Kevin Rudd.
ABC Radio interview, March 5, 2007.

He's a pre-Copernican obscurantist.
Referring to Prime Minister John Howard's attitude to industrial relations. ABC Radio interview, May 1, 2007.

Silly what's his name, the Shrek, whoever he was on the television this morning?
Referring to Howard Government Minister Joe Hockey, Lateline interview, June 7 2007.

He’s the greatest L plater of all time.
Referring to Treasurer Peter Costello, Lateline interview, June 7 2007.

[edit] Unsourced
The accounts do show that Australia is in a recession. The most important thing about that is, is that this is the recession that Australia had to have.
Announcing Australia was in recession, late 1990

Economic racism.
On tariffs.

I only had one shot in the locker and I fired it.
After a failed leadership challenge against Bob Hawke.

Get a job. Do some work like the rest of us.
To a student protestor, 1995.

We're going to bolt it home.
Assessment of his chances at the 1996 election.

I like the Queen... and I think she liked me.
In response to the controversy caused when Keating placed his hand on Queen Elizabeth II's back during her 1992 Australian tour.

Like an Easter Island statue with an arse full of razor blades.
Description of Malcolm Fraser.

An abacus gone feral.
Description of John Hewson, then leader of the Australian Liberal Party (1993)

Hewson: Why won't you call an early election?Keating: The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly.

I was implying that the Honourable Member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock – alive, but looking dead.
On John Hewson.

This is the sort of little-boy, stamp your foot stuff which comes from a financial yuppie when you shoe him into parliament.
On John Hewson.

(His performance) is like being flogged with a warm lettuce.
On John Hewson

I'd put him in the same class as the rest of them: mediocrity.
On John Hewson

Can a soufflé rise twice?
On the second (1989) attempt by Andrew Peacock to gain the Liberal leadership.

I suppose that the honourable gentleman's hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness.
On Andrew Peacock

The Leader of the Opposition is more to be pitied than despised, the poor old thing. The Liberal Party ought to put him down like a faithful dog because he is of no use to it and of no use to the nation.
On Andrew Peacock

We're not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.
On Andrew Peacock

It is the first time the Honourable Gentleman has got out from under the sunlamp.
On Andrew Peacock

He, as Foreign Minister, was swanning around the United States of America with Shirley MacLaine or trying to crash one of Ted Kennedy's parties...and he was trying to play statesman...while he swanned around, and then he made a cowardly attack upon the former Prime Minister before slinking back into his cabinet.
On Andrew Peacock

You've been in the dye pot again, Andrew.
On Andrew Peacock

[Most politicians have] brains like sparrows' nests - all shit and sticks.
As quoted by Peter Botsman in a column in The Australian, July 3 2002

What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him.
On John Howard.

The principle saboteur, the man with the cheap fistful of dollars.
On John Howard.

He's wound up like a thousand day clock.
On John Howard

I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot.
On John Howard.

You boxhead you wouldn’t know. You are flat out counting past ten.
On Liberal MP Wilson Tuckey

I'm not running a seminar for dullards on the other side.
On the Liberal Party

...votes for coalition members who have always been cheats, cheats, cheats and will always be cheats, cheats, cheats and will always defend cheats, cheats, cheats..
On the Liberal Party

The Leader of the Opposition hurls all sorts of abuse at me, and all through question time those pansies over there want retractions of the things we've said about them. They are a bunch of nobodies going nowhere.

You had an important place in Australian society on the ABC and you gave it up to be a pop star...with a big cheque...and now you're on to this sort of stuff. That shows what a 24 carat pissant you are, Richard, that's for sure.
To journalist Richard Carleton

... you can't write a cheque for taste.
Sydney is the only place to live in Australia – the rest is camping out.

...their existense is putrid. It is absolutely putrid.
On the National Party

Every now and then you have to flick the switch to vaudeville.
On leadership

Not the Tampa!

So, which side of politics is gonna make the most of this little nugget. Just Three days before the Federal Election, someones gotta be able to get some political mileage here, or else they just aren't trying hard enough. And i like to know my pollies are trying their utmost.

16 rescued from sinking boat

AUSTRALIAN navy warships have rescued 16 people from a sinking wooden boat off the West Australian coast.
Defence Minister Brendan Nelson said the the identity of those on the boat plus other details were unknown and would be determined by staff from the Department of Immigration and Citizenship.

It's that time of month, all month - study

Be afraid, be very afraid.

• Study shows PMS a 28-day affliction
• More than 150 physical and emotional symptoms
• Crying, eating chocolate not only option

Crikey, 28 days, will it never end!!! Well luckily i don't need to worry about this, she who must be obeyed somehow manages to be cool calm and collected throughout this 28 day pre, post, and menstrual cycle. Phew. But I nevertheless sympathise with my not so fortunate brothers out there.

....... her research exploded the traditional notion of PMS. "There is a traditional view that it's the week leading up to menstruation that is the time we experience symptoms," Ms Hateley said. "I found that's the case as well, there are significant symptoms during that phase.

"But symptoms also fluctuate across the cycle and the perception of stress in particular was higher from day one." Most women experience some of the more than 150 physical and emotional symptoms linked to PMS

150 physical and emotional symptoms. Sheesh, i didn't realise there were that many emotions. There is only one solution, stop paying experts to do this alarming research. Isn't it obvious.

Federal Erection

In more proof of my blogs growing relevance to one or two people in the Blogosphere, it comes tops in a "Google search" for the term "Federal Erection". Why anyone would be looking for a Federal Erection is beyond me, my member prefers to keep things local, but each to their own.

More Inelligible Candidates

Seems like those Labor candidates with their election winning lead, just can't seem to nominate in time. Apparently there are now up to thirteen Labor candidates ineligible if they win in Saturday's election. Their to do list musta been too full in the lead up to nominations, happens to me all the time, usually when my list runs to two pages. Although can't remember the last time i nominated for parliament.

My prediction: If Labor wins the election there will be some serious court action related to all the affected candidates, and if as a result the Liberals win, we will have our own little George Bush (substitute John Howard) stole the election scandal just like the yanks. Well they do say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

Stay tuned for more election predictions.

Zorba the Greek Yolngu style

You just gotta watch this til the end.

Singaporeans Blur on Sex

Copied in full from thestar.com.my

Other News & ViewsCompiled by BEH YUEN HUI, GLADYS TAY AND A. RAMAN

MANY Singaporeans have been seeking help from doctors on how to have sexual intercourse, Sin Chew Daily reported yesterday. Singapore Thomson Medical Centre (TMC) founder Dr Cheng Wei Chen said the hospital received several people every month, mostly university graduates, seeking their guidance on how to “do it”.

Its urology senior consultant Dr Lin Fa Cai said he once treated a woman who was married for 10 years and supposedly had sex more than 1,000 times, but was still a virgin. Dr Lin said the husband, who had a doctorate degree, and his wife, who complained of being unable to conceive, sought help at the hospital. “The couple told me they had sex about three times a week but when I examined the wife, her hymen was still intact.

“He had a doctorate degree but zero knowledge on sex,” he said.

Another doctor, who declined to be named, said a couple in their 30s sought help from Mount Elizabeth Hospital and Medical Centre for failing to conceive after seven years of marriage. He said he found no problem with the couple but later discovered that the husband withdrew just before ejaculating.

SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, (Don't mind me, it's not often i get to write a legitimate story on SEX, so i am just trying to get my hit counter thingy up, it's the only way to get girls to like you)

Federal Election: Molotov Cocktails Not Required.

Two weeks til this whole Federal Election thing is finalised. I can't wait. Was gonna stock up on Molotov Cocktail making implements before I remembered that I am in Australia, where the worst we do is hurl abuse at each other. We have a more civilised "sticks and stones" approach to political differences, as opposed to other nations where people regularly get attacked, killed and maimed. Somehow I don't think these people are ready to put their hearts into it.. We're so civilised we even complain about the impost created by having to vote. In fact it won't be long til some green loon decides elections should be banned due to their carbon footprint.

With much trepidation some of my friends have invited me to an election party, I say trepidation as they are all rabid greenies and anti everything, who are convinced that nothing is sustainable, in fact I am surprised they are able to sustain the rage. Although since most of them drive cars, wear expensive clothes, and spend their weekends getting drunk and partying, I am guessing the rage is just a front, but a politically correct front (which is the best type) Whereas I on the other hand, think that spending too much time in a room full of people depressed about the state of Life the Universe and Everything, who will quite happily procreate whilst yelling that mankind is the worst thing that could have happened to the universe is definitely unsustainable, and in a more immediate sense of the word.

So, why am I going, well duh, there'll be beer, and like I said before girls who are happy to procreate. Can anyone advise on the shelf life of a Molotov Cocktail?

Watergate film star asks 'where is the press?'

American movie star Robert Redford, who played reporter Bob Woodward in a film about the Watergate scandal, said he regretted that US journalists were not investigating the administration of US President George Bush.
"There are deep similarities going on but where is the press? Where is the press?" Redford pointedly asked at the sidelines of a film festival in the Czech spa town of Karlovy Vary on Saturday.

WTF is old Redman on about, where is the press? Is there a world leader today that gets more air time than Dubya, is there a world leader anywhere in the last thirty years that has gotten more press time than Dubya. From fake plastic turkeys (it was real) to Mission Accomplished, to nucular weapon and all the other Bushisms that so infuriate the world, i cannot believe that anyone would believe the press have been missing in action. Stick to movies Mr "I Played a Reporter in a Watergate Movie therefore i know the press is lacking in modern bush white house politics"

Faster Than Light Travel: Another Aussie First

Fair makes me proud to be Astrayan, apparently the first nation to achieve faster than light travel.

Perhaps now you can understand why we named our Nations Capital, Canberra, after the Canberra Bomber, apparently the first jet engined bomber aircraft.

Canberra Bomber Frolicking on the Tarmac

Australian's all let us ring Joyce, for she is young and free!

'Closing The Space Between Us - The Rights of Aboriginal Children'

Got sent this speech to read the other day by my dear friend Michelle, who quite rightly knew it would get my back up. Hence she had enough time to put on the flame retardant suit before i responded. Read the speech here, having done that, the rest of this diatribe should make a lot more sense.

Well

Where do I start.

I CHOOSE TO START THIS RANT ......... NOW!!

Firstly, he identifies a problem, and there is a problem, but makes it sound like it has all come about in the last 11 years. It is all a failure of John Howard's Government, implying that everything was perfect before. He never mentions the other parties, and when he does mention Bob Hawk he does not mention Labor it is as if he is a politician without a party. Didn't Bob Hawk promise in the mid eighties that no child would be living in poverty? Anyway, see i am doing the same thing he did, make provocative statements that highlight the problem but don't contribute to the solution.

The problem has been around for decades, attempts have been made but they have failed. For example for many years Aborigines were given more generous welfare payments, easier access to welfare, and positive discrimination in terms of education, housing etc. These attempts failed, and I believe it is untrue to say that the failure was foreseeable. As a rule if you assist someone financially, you would expect them to prosper more than they would have without the assistance. This does not seem to have happened with many Aborigines. Although I believe that if you look at the data, from now, and compare it to 30 or 50 years ago, there would be a notable increase in the number of aborigines in full time employment, with professional and trade qualifications who are capable of standing on their own two feet without Federal or state assistance. The issue is that not enough of them have reached that point, and many of them live in the conditions described.

So to me the questions become
1. Why is it so?
2. Can we change it?
3. Should we change it?

But back to those questions later.

The third paragraph really pissed me off, he says the following"

"Children and mothers make up 75% of the world's poor."

Newsflash children and others make up 75% of families!! Well that would appear to be normal to me, if the average family in Australia has 2.4 children, making the average family 4.4 people, and rounding down to four people, i would expect hat 75% of them are women and children. Amazing. I wonder what the statistics are for all male aboriginal families is, I suppose in that case only fifty percent would be living in poverty (since there are no women)!!

On page three, paragraph one of, he says "The medical evidence indicates that we will only....." But then does not state what the evidence is, who did the research, he provides us with no means of confirming that is being said. Admittedly in a speech you would not have full references but in a written transcript of said speech, particularly one put out by a uni, i would think they could provide some references. He makes the same mistake numerous times

"More than thirty major reports on child abuse state....."

is just one example. At least tell us which organisation did some of those reports, no need to mention all of them in the speech, but mention the ones that he gives the most weight to.

Anyway, the major issue in my view is "aboriginal autonomy", and he talks about it, but in the exact opposite context to what i would say. He says aboriginals should be autonomous and blah blah blah, I gathered that that was what is causing part of the problem, not enough autonomy. They have a degree of autonomy to deal with their own issues under their own law, and in many cases can't be compelled to follow western practices. No problem with that. But what happens when those practices are below the minimum level accepted by the rest of us. If under tribal law, the penalty for rape or child abuse is lesser than the western penalties, what should we do about that. He speaks of autonomy as if it is the end of all aboriginal problems, when in fact it causes some problems of it's own.

He also says "It is increasingly clear that this intervention is using the emotive language of child abuse to implement a radical indigenous policy agenda"

Whoa, the government has an agenda! Well Newsflash, i got no problem with that. The standard welfare based system we have used has not worked, all previous attempts have failed, some radical thinking is required. If someone wants to hide behind child abuse, to improve the standard of living of aborigines, whilst incidentally preventing or lowering the instance of child abuse, well that's okay by me.

He says, "The question for you my fellow Australians is, do you believe John Howard has changed? That is the Consequence of your Vote?"

Wrong Question, the question should be "Do you think that John Howard's Actions, however much you like or dislike him, will result in an improvement in Aboriginal living standards" It does not matter whether you like him or not, what matters is whether he is doing the right thing, and saying i would do it differently is a cop out. There is more than one way to skin a cat, but you don't want to stand around arguing about the best way, whilst the cat decomposes. Let the leaders lead, and and the cat is more likely to get skinned.

Personality politics is often full of crap. In the first ever televised political debate between JFK and Nixon, those who watched it on television overwhelmingly said JFK won, those who listened on the radio overwhelmingly said Nixon had won. What the hell is going on there. Evidently JFK had better personality, more presence on camera etc etc etc. Evidently this was more important than his policies. Utter Tosh, I say.

"The first Australians do have a right to autonomy that is once again being denied" like i said before, i suspect this is part of the problem, but is quoted here as part of the solution.

And finally he presents his 10 point plan. People, Friends, Australians, country men, one nation voters ET AL, I say this to you. Do not trust anyone that has a 10 point plan. 10 point plans are full of crap. If it was a 9 point plan, or an 11 point plan, i would have more respect for it. People inflate plans to get to 10 because 10 sounds important, 'Ten Commandments" "Americans Ten Most Wanted" "Top Ten Songs" top ten blah blah blah. If I saw this in a report, opinion for the author would probably go down, after i had confirmed that there were some plan padding in action. So, what have we here in this plan;

All Australians should sign a new statement pledging to support a national effort to achieve equality for all of our children.

Well point one is a piece of crap. You can't plan for what people should do. I had a debate the other day when someone said "everyone should take more responsibility for each other, and help each other out and blah blah blah" Absolutely correct everyone should be nice, everyone should be helpful, but they are not, there are assholes, and there always will be. Any plan that relies on what people should do is gonna fail. Plan for what they will do. Do you actually believe we can get everyone to sign a pledge. Definitely not in my opinion, so I'm not gonna waste time planning for it, and i probably won't support anyone that has this as a central plank in their policy. List it as a vision yes, but a Mission, no.

Point 10 is one that I partially agree with. I agree that as a nation we need to apologise for what was done in the past, but i know we are not gonna get every individual to do so, so I'm not gonna waste my time trying. I musta done something wrong, I've only been in the country twenty years, but already I'm apologising for the sins of someone Else's fathers. I think there is something in that for everyone.

Anyway, i think we could get most of this to go away if we were truly committed to the policies of equity and diversity, which don't try to treat everyone as equals, but recognise that some people have different needs, Muslims need to pray at certain times of the day facing Mecca, and so should be afforded this right, aborigines need assistance recovering from the institutionalised racism of the recent past, and so should be afforded whatever assistance is required.

There is one waste of time we can't get rid of, and that is politics, the sugar coating of policy to make it equitable. Find me a politician that didn't sugar coat anything, and i will vote for him. he'll lose, but at least he'll do it for being honest.

Anyway back to my three key questions;

Why is it so?
Can we change it?
Should we change it

Well i will leave that up to you. Maybe they should come up with an Automatic-Vote-Amatic for those who don't want to make decisions. By not writing anything down, i can't be questioned so in response to my own three questions, i choose to be enigmatic and maintain a dignified silence. "Go forth and solve this problem i say, but beware, if it should come to my attention that you have been dilly dallying, i shall be most put out!"

Who's The Man: He's The Man

Secrets of a successful relationship, know your place.



I might not wear the pants, but i still get a certain pleasure out of taking them off!!

The Modern Fable of the Caged Monkeys

This is so true to life, it's scary. Anytime anyone says, "we've always done it this/that way show them this"

FIVE hungry monkeys were placed in a cage by a Pavlovian experimental psychologist, who then suspended a banana from the roof of the cage and placed a ladder directly below it. One of the monkeys soon approached the ladder in order to climb up to the suspended banana. Immediately the would-be climber touched the ladder, the psychologist sprayed all the monkeys in the cage with a torrent of ice water. Shortly, another monkey attempted the climb and once again the psychologist doused all the monkeys in the cage with ice water. He thereafter repeated this procedure whenever any of the monkeys touched the ladder. Eventually, in order to avoid further soakings, the monkeys began to cooperate so as to prevent any of their fellows from making further attempts to climb the ladder.

AT this stage, the psychologist turned off the ice water tap, removed one of the monkeys from the cage and replaced him with a naïve, equally hungry specimen who had not observed the preceding events. The new monkey, on catching sight of the banana, attempted to climb the ladder to reach it. To his amazement, he was unexpectedly and savagely attacked by the four remaining monkeys, who repeated their assaults on him whenever he approached the ladder, desisting only when he gave up further attempts.

THE psychologist then removed a second of the original monkeys from the cage and replaced him with yet another naïve, equally hungry specimen. The latest monkey introduced into the cage now also sought to climb the ladder to reach the banana, only to be assaulted like his predecessors. The previous newcomer was an enthusiastic participant in the attacks on the latest monkey introduced to the cage, until he too desisted from any further attempts to climb the ladder.

NEXT, the psychologist replaced a third monkey from the original group in the cage with yet another naïve, hungry specimen whose fate on approaching the ladder was identical to that of his predecessors. Soon the third replacement monkey also made no further attempts to obtain the banana. At this stage, two of the monkeys which attacked him had no idea why they were not permitted to climb the ladder, nor even why they were attacking the latest naïve monkey to be caged when he attempted to do so.

AFTER the psychologist serially replaced the fourth and fifth of the original occupants of the cage, none of the monkeys then remaining in the cage had been sprayed with ice water nor observed this happening to the original subjects. Nevertheless, none of the monkeys remaining in the cage at the conclusion of the experiment made any further attempts to climb the ladder to reach the suspended banana. So far as they knew, that was the way things had always been in their cage.

MORAL: Thus begin organisational policies.

Army Pay Rates 1967

This is self explanatory. I like the way that males were compensated for being married by being paid more. Almost makes marriage financially worthwhile wouldn't you say, although since i have never been married, I can't be the judge of that.

That's what's wrong with society these days, if we were compensated for staying with our spouses there would be much less divorce. I blame the defence department for the rising divorce rate, this is just more evidence that we live in a morally corrupt society. Bring back the cane, and compensate me for getting a wife and i will do my bit to populate Australia.

All that's missing is a sprog allowance for all the little kiddies, and i would have been a polygamist.

Trumpet Blower: P3 Orion Upgrade

Since there is no one out there willing to blow my trumpet, and believe me I've been looking for a while, i decided that a bit of self service is required.

One of my projects has hit the skies a few weeks ago, the upgrade of the RAAF AP-3C Orion fleet to include a Tactical Data link. It made the news in my little corner of the world, and was subsequently ignored by everyone, which is the way it should be. Anyway, this is one of the projects that i am currently managing.

Royal Australian Air Force (RAAF) AP-3C Orion aircraft are now even better placed to support Coalition operations in the Middle East, with the introduction of real time video links to support ground forces. The Tactical Common Data Link (TCDL) provides ground commanders a valuable real time aerial view of their surrounding environment.

Anyway, now that I've blown myself, i can get back to work. Was it good enough for you?

Ugly Aircraft

We're having an airshow on the weekend, two days of gawping at "Those Magnificent Men and their Flying Machines" I've volunteered, so i will be the respectable face of my company on Saturday afternoon.

Anyway, in commemoration, I had added some photos of some truly ugly aircraft for your viewing disgust. When it comes to ugly aircraft, historically the Russians have taken the title.

Anyway, more ugliness to follow, and possibly some pics of me looking respectable at the airshow, and pretending i know what the hell i am talking about.

Comments Galore: Thank You Beautiful Fans

Got my third comment today. Thank you fans, thank you fans, you're all beautiful. Of course one of them was the blogging equivalent of unsolicited junk mail:

"Buy this amazing powder and watch your muscles grow".

Idiot! I like my muscles just they way they are. In fact i have no need for muscles, except the one that counts, the one that gets commenter's like Kylie, see below, positively swooning. I am speaking of course of my brain.

Yes Minister: Opinion Polls

Anyway, apparently The ALP has an election winning lead, just like the last two elections. According to the latest opinion polls at least.

Kevin Rudd, Nose Pick

Apparently this little nugget is even more important that Kevin Rudd's policies, and could sound the death knell for his leadership aspirations. If it is, then we are all going to hell, and deserve to be there.

As an election stunt though, it shows a certain style and individuality that we should all aspire to.



I mean, it's not as if he is picking his nose, or farting in your general direction. I, like all other people who are appalled at this behaviour have never picked my nose, or farted in public. That would be too crass and common, and whilst I'm living in the world of the common people,

Where you can live in a love of the common people,
Smile from the heart of a family man.
Daddy's gonna buy you a dream to cling to,
Mama's gonna love you just as much as she can
and she can.

Sometimes I talk so much crap, i wonder how i can even live with myself. Breaking into song with eighties John Paul young Lyrics, there should be a law against it.

Great Debate

Looks like Labor won the great debate, at least that is what the consensus says. And I'm all for consensus', they are after all never wrong, just take global warming. Didn't bother watching the debate, I figured I would spend time with the lovely lass, doing things that are definitely unmentionable in this forum, and the worm could decide for me. Thank god for the worm, imagine if I'd actually had to think. Although I am a bit confused, cause the worm said Rudd, but the Automatic Vote-A-Matic says that I am a Liberal, with a hint of democrat. What to do?

Went to Kevin07.com.au, and as you can imagine, they are just giddy, even defining worm in Rudd's honour;

Worm stands for... written by Henry, October 22, 2007

W-orld O-f R-udd's M-uscle or W-elcoming O-ur R-udd M-use or W-ords O-f R-udd's M-ission

Worm stands for... written by Henry, October 22, 2007
W-eapon O-f R-udd's M-astery

I like the first definition, if it were true that is, we need more leaders with muscle, where have all the muscle bound leaders gone? Genghis Khan probably never had a tax policy! When the leadership death matches are on, muscles will count. We need more leaders in the Schwarts-an-ham-an-egg-an-burger mould. You can't lie about muscle whereas you can gloss over any bad points of your tax policy.

For Love or Boats?!

Listen baby girl, I ain't got a motorboat but I can float your boat.

The Way I Are by Timbaland (feat. Keri Hilson, D.O.E.)

This is the state of modern lyrical poetry, it's complete and utter crap, but i do agree with fine sentiment, if the boats worth floating then I'm interested. Girls without boats are just not interesting enough, they lack a certain depth of personality, and in fact are quite shallow. Marrying for love is a fine sentiment, but you can't measure love, which makes it either worthless or the most valuable thing on earth. With boats, there is no doubt, marry for love or boats it's your choice, with a boat least you know what you are getting.

The Monkey Done it.

Been reading the news on the web, and it appears the deputy mayor of new Delhi has been killed by a horde of crazy monkeys.

The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi died on Sunday after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.
SS Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on Saturday morning trying to fight off the monkeys.

And we think we have problems here, with our Cane toads, at least they can't kill you, all they do is gross you out for a while, but then again, some people like them. I hear there are people that get high licking cane toads.

Anyway, in order to solve the monkey crisis, they have come up with a "killer solution"

One approach has been to train bands of larger, more ferocious langur monkeys to go after the smaller groups of Rhesus macaques.

It's like a monkey arms race. They replace one killer monkey, with another big, stronger, trained monkey. Wonder what will happen when the trained monkeys turn on the handlers. Religion is a funny thing I tell you;

Culling is seen as unacceptable to devout Hindus, who revere the monkeys as a manifestation of the monkey god Hanuman, and often feed them bananas and peanuts.

Essentially what they are saying is, we can't kill our god monkeys, that we feed bananas and peanuts, but we can hire and train big super ferocious monkeys to beat the living crap out of them. Well whatever keeps your god happy I suppose.

The Worm, or The Economy. You Decide

I am gonna make it official. The Liberals have won round one. Come on big Kev, show us what you got. Now for round two.

In other News, went to the Kevin07 web page, to get a feel for the priorities of the labor party, and there, front and center, was the worm.

Whereas at Liberal HQ, they're still harping on about the economy. As if that's actually important.

Week one, the worm, or the economy, it's all about priorities, I tell you. And I've got mine, it's beer o'clock.

Ciao Loco.

Engineerish or Gibberish

Spent a few productive days doing engineering type work. I had thought i was an ex engineer, turned project manager, but then i got contracted out to do engineering work. He moves in mysterious ways.

First stumbling block, reading Design Deviations and other proposals, and trying to pretend that the language I'm reading is English. It isn't, it's engineerish, which to the untutored eye is akin to gibberish. Must say something about me, that i no longer understand engineerish. Spent a whole day interpreting engineerish into English, so i can write a response, in English, which i then have to convert to engineerish, so my fellow engineers can understand me.

Numbers should not have letters in them people, just like words don't have numbers in them, unless you're talking algebra, and when was the last time you heard anyone talking algebra.

"Scuse me sir, could you direct me to the nearest toilet"

"Well my little sprog, let x = the distance from here to the corner. Walk 4x in an easterly direction, turn through 3y, where y represents 90 degrees, then walk ...."

It never happens. Engineerish is a language invented by nerds who think it makes them sound smart, thus attracting a certain type of girl. People, there aren't enough of that type of girl to make it worthwhile, and to the rest of us, you sound like a git.

Thanks god this is only a temporary contract, then I can go back to project management, which merely involves yelling and screaming at people, using appropriately colourful language until they accept that your point of view is the only one that counts.

Election Priorities

How are all you Aussies out there doin'.

Getting ready for the big election fight no doubt. I'm excited, I call it "free sh*t time", not election time. The names and faces might change, I don't care, as long as I get my "free sh*t".

Thinking I might start a family soon so I can get this baby bonus thing, buy a house so I can get a grant, and if labor gets in, I can fit it with solar panels, water tanks and other green initiatives to power my subterranean bunker in the event the big one gets dropped. In defence they think of nu-cular bombs as a whole lot of sunshine, so looking on the bright side, when the big one comes, I'll be able to power my bunker for months, based on the one surge that melts my solar panels, and then emerge into a world that is finally free of Capitalism, Globalisation, Overpopulation and Newcastle Knights supporters. It pays to, in the words of "Lord Baden Powell" Be Prepared! Of course this utopia will probably have other problems, like global hunger, poverty, disease (new exciting post nu-cular super viruses and bacteria), but at least we will have licked this whole Global Warming thing, which is the important thing, isn't it?!

Do you get the baby bonus if you adopt, or do I actually have to hold someones hand whilst she delivers our little bundle of lifetime expenses and commitment? Might be worth looking into!

Federal Erection Stunt .....

It's election time, time to let the blood run free. Most impressed with the free money (admittedly i had to earn it, then give it to them, so they can give it back free, but hey it's like the fifty bucks you find in your other pants) that the liberals have decided to throw in my direction. I like the smell, the feel, the texture of money. People say money can't buy you happiness, but I still reckon you can still have a lot of fun trying, or at least get distracted from any petty issues like, um mm, sadness.

Ball is now in the ALP's court, show me the money. Oh, and get Julia to mention the Karma Sutra again, I got a one track mind, which means I can't think about both the Karma Sutra and money at the same time. I suspect i might have gotten the wrong idea, but i like the idea of someone with more positions than the Karma Sutra. If you want my vote, you gotta listen to me, the number one constituent. Show me the the money, or show us your other electioneering assets.

Now that the erection has been called, it's time to pull out all the erection stunts.

Goin to Vegas

Going to Vegas, 45% of respondents think my best chance of getting a wife is to get drunk in Vegas and hope for the best. Wonder if i should take the new girlfriend along, or will she just complicate things. Things just aren't as simple as they used to be two months ago when all i had to worry about was myself.

Thank God for Non-Believers.

Apparently this is meant to be a fallow year for all Jewish personages. Every seven years, under Judaism the land is to lie fallow, to give it a breather, to allow it to recover. No crops are to be planted, and if you own orchards, you have to let the fruit fall naturally before you attempt eat it.

Makes you wonder how Jewish people survived. Well, wonder no more, it all comes down to who owns the land. This whole fallow thing applies only to Jews, obviously, so you can feel free to eat whatever has been planted, grown and harvested on the land of non-believer. Hey, and if you're a Jewish landowner, whose income and livelihood is threatened by year of fallowness, whilst the non-believing schmuck next door reaps what he sows, well there is a solution. Just sell your land to the non-believer for one dollar for one year, and for that year you can reap what he sows on your behalf. Thank god for non-believers.

I personally don't believe in any gods, but i like to think that if i did, he would be smart enough to see through this little bit of religio-political deception. Dunno I like my omnipotent, omni-cognisant gods to actually know whats going on.

Heard the one about usury, well apparently under Islam, usury is bad, can't go borrowing or lending money, which kind of makes certain things like buying a house or car difficult, you know without the ability to get a loan. Fear not, Islamic banks get around this by buying the car/house for you, renting it back to you for say 30 years (in the case of a house), and then at the end of that time they give you the house. Dunno about you but it sounds like a loan by any other name.

Sometimes i think we show an incredible lack of respect for the intelligence of our gods.

Automatic Vote-A-Matic

Just went to the news.com.au Vote-A-Matic machine thingy on the web.
Check it out here, apparently I'm a Liberal/National voter, with a hint of Democrats. Oh, well, I can forget all about the election now, "machine says Liberals", pity, i was looking forward to a few more election stunts before making my final choice.

Any of you guys find it funny that a web page that tells what your voting preferences are is titled "2007 You Decide," like I always say, "I can take a joke as well as the next guy!"

I Couldabeen A Politician

That's right, I Couldabeen a Polly, and a damn sight better one than these clowns. There's a time to blow your trumpet, and a time have "a nice mug of shut the f*ck up" Listen to these clowns:

FOUR days before the fifth anniversary of the Bali bombings which killed 88 Australians, Labor wants to spare the bombers from the death penalty. Opposition foreign affairs spokesman Robert McClelland last night attacked John Howard for supporting the death penalty for the bombers.

Robby, Robby, Robby! Robby me lad, word from the wise, if you actually wanna win the election shut your trap. And don't give me that, I'd rather be correct than politically correct. You can be correct after you win the election, be politically correct before if you intend to win.

THE Howard Government yesterday slammed the door shut on refugees from Africa. Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews said that no more Africans would be allowed into Australia under the humanitarian refugee program until at least July next year. And he said there were no guarantees any Africans would be accepted in the next intake. Announcing a move critics slammed as simplistic and inhumane, Mr Andrews said the program's quota for Africans had already been filled.

Johnny Johnny Johnny, expected better from you and the boys. What's with this we have enough Africans already crap your man is going on about. Hey, I happen to agree that Australians will decide who comes to Australia and the manner in which they come here, can't fault you on that, but dude, your boys gotta at least pretend like it's a fair system (whether he believes it or not). This whole we only want a better class of refugee just doesn't gel with me. Next it will be the old white Ozzie policy, followed quickly by the "go back to Africa policy", or at least that's what me and the rest of my brown brethren will start thinking.

I Couldabeen a Polly, and i woulda bin a goodwon to.

Call The Friggin' Election Already

Respect to our fearless leader John Winston Howard, but call this Aussie Federal election ASAP. Getting a bit worried here that the longer he leaves it before calling the election I will not have enough time to:

1. Decide whether the Greens Drug policies make more or less sense than they did last time. Won't affect my vote, but will provide some comic relief, we need fringe parties after all, though I'm still waiting for the Fringe Benefits. My advice to Bob Brown and the rest of the greens, get a gig at the Adelaide Fringe Festival, the Fringe Festival has become more mainstream, the same might be possible for you;
2. Not be able to assess the free stuff hey offer. The last few elections have provided the first home buyers grant, the baby bonus, and this election promises solar power and water tank benefits. Call the election already so i can assess my free shit options. Aint pickin' a side til i know what's in it for me;
3. Figure out whether we actually have an Australian Labour, or are they trying to steal the Nationals seats in the Coalition. Stop agreeing with each other dammit, show us what you got, at the moment it's a choice between more of the same, and um steering the same tried and tested course;
4. Plan that weekend bender. Of course every weekend is a bender, hence i need as much notice to ensure that i can bend around the requirement to vote.

Good Post Coming Soon

Just so y'all know i am still alive and kicking, all zero of my regular readers and all, i thought I better add something.

So here it is.

Ciao locos

Young Folks

Is this the greatest song out at the moment? I think so!

Artist: Peter Bjorn And John

Title: Young Folks

Album: Writer’s BlockYear: 2006Title: Young Folks
Young Folks Peter Bjorn lyric



If i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

Why We should Love America

Interesting article on news.com.au on why Australians should love America. Oh-Kay. Not sure about you, but when someone tries to give me reasons why i should love, let alone like someone i get suspicious. It's like your mum telling you that little Joey in primary school is so nice, why won't you play with him.

Not me, i choose to hate everyone equally, well every country that is. Don't have time to break them down into manageable country sized chunks. No Siree, whatever country you're from, I hate it about as much as i hate any other country, which is marginally less than i hate Australia, where I live, which i love. Don't that make you feel special.

Of course every now and then some despotic dictator will do something completely insane, after which i might feel inclined to give you a little more attention in the hate department. The country that is, not the people, since people are generally a lot more intelligent than your average mob, and most countries are just above average mobs.

So anyway, why exactly are we exhorted to love America? Well apparently there are block parties (nice), ethinic diversity (nice):

Hipsters and the homeless, crackheads and old Jewish eccentrics mingle on every corner.

Uhh, oklay, enough of the positives, what about the negatives.

Well the article doesn't really go into those, we are after all being exhorted to love thy American. Fair enough. As long as they are prevented from travelling in Mobs, that being more than 3 in any group, i like to keep the intelligence levels up.

P.S. I'm confused, were old Jewish eccentrics meant to be a positive or a negative, in my view hipsters are the scourge of mankind, crackheads are self explanatory, homeless are well victims of circumstance and definitely not a shining light representing a city. So what does that mean about old Jewish Eccentrics, since they apparently keep such esteemed company. Well we all know eccentric means money, so as far as i am concerned, they're Aight!

Useless tip of the Day: How to Make a Diaper Wreath

Nothing says I love you like a wreath made of diapers. And if you really love the person, you can make make an impression by using used diapers. Just so you get that eau de toddler effect. Well I sh*t you not, now you can make your very own, Thanks to Google/Wiki how tip of the day!

I only joined Google cause everyone else was, and i knew if i didn't people would think i was some idiot, with no virtual friends who could not afford the free google membership. When in actual fact, I am so rich in both virtual friends and money, that i could afford to waste my entire day on google. Bet not many of you can say that.

Anyway, collect your diapers people, once you've mastered the diaper wreath, advanced students can move onto the diaper cake. I can hardly contain myself people. What on earth did we do before the "World Wide World of Web"

Israel fears masks may spook Syria

Type the following phrase into Google "Israel + pre-emptive" and you get a whole lot of reasons why you don't want the Israeli's to pre-emptively be doing anything. Historically, and with only one notable situation (that being the Yom Kippur/Ramadan/October War of 1973), whenever it's neighbours have undertaken provocative military manoeuvres, the Israeli's have pre-emptively put the foot down, and a few weeks later the Middle East was a different place.

So with the Syrians apparently overseeing the biggest military build up in decades, with the most sophisticated anti-tank/aircraft missiles the Russians can sell, the fact that Israel won't distribute gas masks, as a pre-emptive measure for fear of being too provocative is somewhat puzzling.

Syria has in the past year undertaken a significant build-up of its armed forces that for the first time in decades gives it a military potential Israel must take seriously, including numerous ground-to-ground missiles capable of striking anywhere in Israel, including Tel Aviv.

Tel Aviv newspaper Yediot Achronot reported that Syria, to offset Israel's air superiority, had the densest array of anti-aircraft missile batteries in the world, including the latest models coming off Russian production lines.
The Syrian army has been carrying out intensive manoeuvres and has built up its forces opposite the Golan Heights. It has also equipped itself with new Russian anti-tank missiles that can penetrate tank armour.

The World is an Amazing place.

Hanson to oppose Islamic immigration

It's election time again, and once again, we have Hanson to provide the comic relief. I can't wait, apparently she plans to run on a similar platform to the last few elections, except this time "Islamic People" are the devil.

The former One Nation leader has also applied to the Australian Electoral Commission to register Pauline's United Australia Party. If successful, the party's abbreviated name, Pauline, will appear above the line on the Senate ballot paper, making it easier for people to vote for Ms Hanson

The other benefit is that those who don't want to vote for here will know exactly which party she represents and which politician's are brave enough to be associated with her.

Anyway, wonder if she will re-hash any of her old policies, I especially liked the one about printing more money. I can always use more money. And whilst printing money to get a nation out if it's financial woes was derided the last time it was on her policy agenda, this time she is in good company, the "Right Honourable Comrade Robert Gabriel Mugabe"

Mugabe said his government would print money to help it ride over its economic problems - including food, fuel and foreign currency shortages and the world's highest inflation rate, which he blames on Western sanctions and intermittent droughts.

The only issue is whether she is willing to be in the esteemed political company of a brown person, and take a few of his other policies, like accusing the British of trying to re-colonise Australia.

Cult of Personality; Kevin07

Stop me when any of this starts to sound familiar.

Cult of personality or personality cult is a term for what is perceived to be excessive adulation of a single living leader. The term was coined by Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev soon after the death of Joseph Stalin, but the phenomenon as such is much older. The lifetime cult of Julius Caesar was deeply resented by patrician republicans; it paved the way for the imperial family cult of the Roman Empire.

So, what happened to the rest of the labor party, don't worry at least three of them got mentioned at Kevin07, one of them being Kama Sutra Julia. Anyway, lets hope he has not bitten off more than he can chew.

The Following posted at Kevin07! weblog:

Health written by John, August 07, 2007 Hi Kev, i know that you are going to restore our faith in the government by .....

Well, we all need to have our faith restored every now and then, but it's posts like this one below at Kevin07, that get me worried

Kevin and Church written by Liz, August 07, 2007 wrote ".....Keep the God factor Kevin and it will keep you true. What else would you have our society based on."

Well, were i Kevin, "Simple Logic would suffice", but since I'm not, i guess i will have to admit that a god of some description is gonna feature in this whole political debate. Hang on, why not make Kevin a god. I'm sure it's been done before, we can deify him, in fact, lets get a little apotheosis going on here:

Apotheosis is most commonly used to refer to the Roman pagan process whereby an Emperor, empress, hero or leader was recognized to be divine by decree of the Senate or popular consent.

Can't argue with that, it's a Consensus, even Matt Damon supports my case, for in the character of Bartelme, did he not quote Jesus as saying, "Whatever you hold true on earth, I will hold true in Heaven." Simple, it's Dogmatic Law. Lets skip past this whole cult of personality thing, and simply deify him.

And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Matthew 16:19

But I digress, exactly how long do you think it will be before Howard "Releases the Hounds". Cult of personality is fine when all is going well, but if the personality is vulnerable to attack, the whole crew goes down with the ship, and the yonder kapitain leads the way. I am guessing that is why Mr Consensus Builder Gore won't announce his candidacy until the last minute. I am predicting two things, the election will be called for 08, probably meaning that i have use my Christmas Holidays to vote, and secondly, shortly after the election is called "The Hounds Will Be Released"

So, anyone prepared to give me odds on "Howard08"

P.S. The latest date by which a combined House of Representatives and half Senate election must be held is 19 January 2008.

All The Way With JFK, I Mean Kev 07

You, are gonna love this, whereas I on other hand am wearing my devil's advocate hat.

http://www.kevin07.com.au/

On his webpage where he talks about Global Warming/Climate Change, which are interchangeable, according to Kevvie, he has this to say

Climate change is the most pressing challenge we face in the new century. The effects of global warming are already hurting Australia, adding to the current drought. Yet we face even hotter and drier summers, the coral bleaching of the Great Barrier Reef, the loss of our snow fields, increasing droughts, less water for our cities and an increase in the number of devastating bushfires.

How he forgot to add "the disappearance of a random number of my black socks, some cheese going mouldy in my fridge and the fact that I have not had a date in over six month to the plethora of things attributable to Global Warming/Climate change is beyond me. But I suppose we are allowed to have differing priorities.

Did you know John Howard has had secret plans for 25 Nuclear Power stations from 1968, it's on the map therefore it must be true. Anyway, not entirely happy with those selected locations, so i have come up with a few alternates that require further investigation, the beauty of course of my selections is that there aren't any in Melbourne (I still call Melbourne, I still call Melbourne home), and there aren't any in Adelaide where i currently live:

1. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, NSW POSTCODE: 2250
2. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, NSW POSTCODE: 2630
3. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, VIC POSTCODE: 3434
4. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, VIC POSTCODE: 3531
5. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, QLD POSTCODE: 4300
6. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD LAKES, QLD POSTCODE: 4300
7. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, QLD POSTCODE: 4871
8. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, SA POSTCODE: 5062
9. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, WA POSTCODE: 6525
10. LOCATION: SOUTH SPRINGFIELD, TAS POSTCODE
11. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, TAS POSTCODE: 7260

Springfield, the ultimate Nuclear Power plant waste dump site. And since i don't live anywhere near Spring field it officially becomes "Somebody Else's Problem", which of course is the best kind. Anyway, I have up until the election to start myself a little family. Might even invest in one of those instant family things, just add money (Like Madonna is doing in Malawi), although i am not sure you can adopt a wife. Once i have a family I will be well placed to take advantage of the:

$10,000 to help up to 200,000 families invest in solar and practical water and energy savings devices.

rebates of up to $500 for around 500,000 households across Australia to install rainwater tanks or grey water pipes.

They'll also receive a free "Green Renovations" pack which includes a water-efficient shower head and energy-efficient light globes.

I personally can't wait, if you add up $10,000 for green initiatives, $500 rebates for my household, the baby bonus for my instant family, first home buyers grant and energy efficient light bulbs, I am gonna be a multi-millionaire. This time next year i will definitely know what Truffles are, and how to spell "Fwois Grass" The light bulbs will definitely be a hit, I am sure Bunnings did it once, and they certainly know how to suck people in. By the way, did not all those grants i just mentioned get dreamed up during an election period. If we had more elections i could be a rich man.

There is just one thing that puzzles me, does this classify as an election stunt as part of the Stunt Election of 2007. Gonna have to watch the news this week, it ain't an election stunt until some politician/reporter calls it one.

kevin07

Aussies in the News.

Checked the "Times of India" the other day, you know, so i could find out what's happening in the world's newest Nuclear power. The Aussies are big in the news, apart from the whole Haneef thing, and us agreeing to see Uranium to India whilst refusing to sell any to Pakistan, we are apparently a nation of insanely obese corpses.

More than two-third of Australians living outside major cities are overweight or obese, and extremely obese corpses are creating a safety hazard at mortuaries, according to two studies released on Sunday.

Apparently:

In the past year, there have also been requests for larger crematorium furnaces, bigger grave plots as well as super-sized ambulances, wheelchairs and hospital beds.

I blame the Liberal Government for not legislating good eating habits and thus super sizing us all!

Australia Post

In Australia it's illegal to post

• Registered philatelic articles with fictitious addresses;
• Goods bearing the name "Anzac";
• Used bedding;

What the .... is a philatelic article with a fictitious address? Is that a letter you send with a fake address, so the receipient may or may not receive it?

Used Bedding. Never realised we needed such tight controls on the posting of used bedding, but i feel so much better that whatever regulator is responsible for making that decision is on the case.

2007 Year of the Federal Stunt Election

The election hasn't even been called yet, and already I am getting sick of it all. Why is it that every policy decision or change in policy direction made in an election year is an election stunt. The other day I had this brainwave that I would try and count the number of times the phrase "election stunt" was used in the media by either politicians or the news media. My friend Mr Google threw up so many responses from the last three months that I could not cope, and gave up. Even Tampa was invoked as a pre-election stunt, with reference to the coming election. Tampa was like 500 years ago dammit.

This morning with reference to the Federal Government taking over the Mercy hospital in Tasmania, which as pre-election stunts go was pretty spectacular I might add, Julia Gillard actually invoked the Karma Sutra when describing Tony Abbott's latest pre-election stunt. The Karma Sutra, I tell you. Now let it be known that I have no problem with Julia Gillard discussing the Karma Sutra, in fact this line of discussion should be openly encouraged, but why she had to spoil it by mentioning Tony Abbott is beyond me. In fact from now on, I reckon every response Julia Gillard makes to interview questions should be Karma Sutra, or should include the phrase Karma Sutra. For one thing my interest would be peaked, take the following example of a Door Stop interview between Julia Gillard and an un-named journalist:

Julia GillardDoorstop Interview Transcript - Parliament House, Canberra - 17th August 2005 E & OE

JOURNALIST: On another issue there is a group of Coalition MPs who are agitating for changes to the Broadcast Act to give the Communications Minister the power to pull off inappropriate material on free to air television, do you think it is appropriate for a politician to be arbiter of things like that?

JULIA GILLARD: This is a matter at the end of the day, to be dealt with by our Karma Sutra spokesperson but as I understand it we have expert advisory groups on Karma Sutra issues for good reason.

JOURNALIST: What do you estimate that black hole to be, that you are talking about, to be at?

JULIA GILLARD: Well certainly there has been a Karma Sutra hole punched of $237 million as a result of the back flip on one medication, Lipitor. If Minister Abbott makes any further exemptions the Karma Sutra hole will just get bigger and what we fear is Treasurer Costello, when he stops yawning during Minister Abbott's speeches, will tell him to fill that Karma Sutra hole by further cuts in health.

JOURNALIST: Are the Coalition MPs who are pushing for changes to the Broadcast Act, are they prudes in your view?

JULIA GILLARD: I wouldn't want to comment Karma Sutra's not my area of policy directly but I am sure Senator Conroy will only be too pleased to tell you all about it.

JOURNALIST: Have you seen it, the program they are talking about, what are your personal thoughts?

JULIA GILLARD: And they are talking about…?

JOURNALIST: Big Brother.

JULIA GILLARD: I am not a Karma Sutra aficionado. I am more a watcher of The Karma Sutra actually and I would have to say I think it is a tragedy it has been taken off Saturday nights and we have only one episode of The Karma Sutra per week. I have seen little bits of Karma Sutra and Karma Sutra Uncut but I really haven't got a view to put today about censorship matters, they are really matters for Senator Conroy.

Anyway, I am predicting that the whole mercy hospital thing will become John Howard's Tasmanian Forest Issue of this election. Recall that at the last election, Tasmanian Forests effectively killed Mark Latham's Leadership chances, where he pissed off both the lumberjacks and greens. After Latham's visit to old growth forests in Tasmania, he was filmed standing next to Bob Brown who had this to say about how Latham related to the forest:

"It was as if a veil had come down over his face," Brown says. "A reporter would ask, 'What do you think of this one, Mr Latham?' And he'd shrug and say, 'It's a big tree.' When we got to the cave tree, he just said, 'It's a big tree with a hole in it.'

"It was a studied, desultory response. He was not responding to me. It was as if he was saying, 'I am not going to be shown to relate' - not just to me, but to the forests."

John Howard on the other hand actually had the lumberjacks dancing and singing his praises:

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

Anyone who can make a policy to cut down trees sound both green and economically sound, and then prove it wasn't a fluke by getting doctors, nurses and patients dancing and singing about his "Election Stunt" to take over a decrepit, run down hospital, is a master in my books. In one fell swoop, he made himself look strong, and the state labour government look incompetent. It remains to be seen whether the public will see this as the example of "Stunt Electioneering" that it is, or will actually get sucked in!

All hail John Winston Howard, Election Stunt Master Extra-ordinaire.

In closing, "I wonder if they use stunt doubles in all their election stunts?"