The Worm, or The Economy. You Decide

I am gonna make it official. The Liberals have won round one. Come on big Kev, show us what you got. Now for round two.

In other News, went to the Kevin07 web page, to get a feel for the priorities of the labor party, and there, front and center, was the worm.

Whereas at Liberal HQ, they're still harping on about the economy. As if that's actually important.

Week one, the worm, or the economy, it's all about priorities, I tell you. And I've got mine, it's beer o'clock.

Ciao Loco.

Engineerish or Gibberish

Spent a few productive days doing engineering type work. I had thought i was an ex engineer, turned project manager, but then i got contracted out to do engineering work. He moves in mysterious ways.

First stumbling block, reading Design Deviations and other proposals, and trying to pretend that the language I'm reading is English. It isn't, it's engineerish, which to the untutored eye is akin to gibberish. Must say something about me, that i no longer understand engineerish. Spent a whole day interpreting engineerish into English, so i can write a response, in English, which i then have to convert to engineerish, so my fellow engineers can understand me.

Numbers should not have letters in them people, just like words don't have numbers in them, unless you're talking algebra, and when was the last time you heard anyone talking algebra.

"Scuse me sir, could you direct me to the nearest toilet"

"Well my little sprog, let x = the distance from here to the corner. Walk 4x in an easterly direction, turn through 3y, where y represents 90 degrees, then walk ...."

It never happens. Engineerish is a language invented by nerds who think it makes them sound smart, thus attracting a certain type of girl. People, there aren't enough of that type of girl to make it worthwhile, and to the rest of us, you sound like a git.

Thanks god this is only a temporary contract, then I can go back to project management, which merely involves yelling and screaming at people, using appropriately colourful language until they accept that your point of view is the only one that counts.

Election Priorities

How are all you Aussies out there doin'.

Getting ready for the big election fight no doubt. I'm excited, I call it "free sh*t time", not election time. The names and faces might change, I don't care, as long as I get my "free sh*t".

Thinking I might start a family soon so I can get this baby bonus thing, buy a house so I can get a grant, and if labor gets in, I can fit it with solar panels, water tanks and other green initiatives to power my subterranean bunker in the event the big one gets dropped. In defence they think of nu-cular bombs as a whole lot of sunshine, so looking on the bright side, when the big one comes, I'll be able to power my bunker for months, based on the one surge that melts my solar panels, and then emerge into a world that is finally free of Capitalism, Globalisation, Overpopulation and Newcastle Knights supporters. It pays to, in the words of "Lord Baden Powell" Be Prepared! Of course this utopia will probably have other problems, like global hunger, poverty, disease (new exciting post nu-cular super viruses and bacteria), but at least we will have licked this whole Global Warming thing, which is the important thing, isn't it?!

Do you get the baby bonus if you adopt, or do I actually have to hold someones hand whilst she delivers our little bundle of lifetime expenses and commitment? Might be worth looking into!

Federal Erection Stunt .....

It's election time, time to let the blood run free. Most impressed with the free money (admittedly i had to earn it, then give it to them, so they can give it back free, but hey it's like the fifty bucks you find in your other pants) that the liberals have decided to throw in my direction. I like the smell, the feel, the texture of money. People say money can't buy you happiness, but I still reckon you can still have a lot of fun trying, or at least get distracted from any petty issues like, um mm, sadness.

Ball is now in the ALP's court, show me the money. Oh, and get Julia to mention the Karma Sutra again, I got a one track mind, which means I can't think about both the Karma Sutra and money at the same time. I suspect i might have gotten the wrong idea, but i like the idea of someone with more positions than the Karma Sutra. If you want my vote, you gotta listen to me, the number one constituent. Show me the the money, or show us your other electioneering assets.

Now that the erection has been called, it's time to pull out all the erection stunts.

Goin to Vegas

Going to Vegas, 45% of respondents think my best chance of getting a wife is to get drunk in Vegas and hope for the best. Wonder if i should take the new girlfriend along, or will she just complicate things. Things just aren't as simple as they used to be two months ago when all i had to worry about was myself.

Thank God for Non-Believers.

Apparently this is meant to be a fallow year for all Jewish personages. Every seven years, under Judaism the land is to lie fallow, to give it a breather, to allow it to recover. No crops are to be planted, and if you own orchards, you have to let the fruit fall naturally before you attempt eat it.

Makes you wonder how Jewish people survived. Well, wonder no more, it all comes down to who owns the land. This whole fallow thing applies only to Jews, obviously, so you can feel free to eat whatever has been planted, grown and harvested on the land of non-believer. Hey, and if you're a Jewish landowner, whose income and livelihood is threatened by year of fallowness, whilst the non-believing schmuck next door reaps what he sows, well there is a solution. Just sell your land to the non-believer for one dollar for one year, and for that year you can reap what he sows on your behalf. Thank god for non-believers.

I personally don't believe in any gods, but i like to think that if i did, he would be smart enough to see through this little bit of religio-political deception. Dunno I like my omnipotent, omni-cognisant gods to actually know whats going on.

Heard the one about usury, well apparently under Islam, usury is bad, can't go borrowing or lending money, which kind of makes certain things like buying a house or car difficult, you know without the ability to get a loan. Fear not, Islamic banks get around this by buying the car/house for you, renting it back to you for say 30 years (in the case of a house), and then at the end of that time they give you the house. Dunno about you but it sounds like a loan by any other name.

Sometimes i think we show an incredible lack of respect for the intelligence of our gods.

Automatic Vote-A-Matic

Just went to the news.com.au Vote-A-Matic machine thingy on the web.
Check it out here, apparently I'm a Liberal/National voter, with a hint of Democrats. Oh, well, I can forget all about the election now, "machine says Liberals", pity, i was looking forward to a few more election stunts before making my final choice.

Any of you guys find it funny that a web page that tells what your voting preferences are is titled "2007 You Decide," like I always say, "I can take a joke as well as the next guy!"

I Couldabeen A Politician

That's right, I Couldabeen a Polly, and a damn sight better one than these clowns. There's a time to blow your trumpet, and a time have "a nice mug of shut the f*ck up" Listen to these clowns:

FOUR days before the fifth anniversary of the Bali bombings which killed 88 Australians, Labor wants to spare the bombers from the death penalty. Opposition foreign affairs spokesman Robert McClelland last night attacked John Howard for supporting the death penalty for the bombers.

Robby, Robby, Robby! Robby me lad, word from the wise, if you actually wanna win the election shut your trap. And don't give me that, I'd rather be correct than politically correct. You can be correct after you win the election, be politically correct before if you intend to win.

THE Howard Government yesterday slammed the door shut on refugees from Africa. Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews said that no more Africans would be allowed into Australia under the humanitarian refugee program until at least July next year. And he said there were no guarantees any Africans would be accepted in the next intake. Announcing a move critics slammed as simplistic and inhumane, Mr Andrews said the program's quota for Africans had already been filled.

Johnny Johnny Johnny, expected better from you and the boys. What's with this we have enough Africans already crap your man is going on about. Hey, I happen to agree that Australians will decide who comes to Australia and the manner in which they come here, can't fault you on that, but dude, your boys gotta at least pretend like it's a fair system (whether he believes it or not). This whole we only want a better class of refugee just doesn't gel with me. Next it will be the old white Ozzie policy, followed quickly by the "go back to Africa policy", or at least that's what me and the rest of my brown brethren will start thinking.

I Couldabeen a Polly, and i woulda bin a goodwon to.

Call The Friggin' Election Already

Respect to our fearless leader John Winston Howard, but call this Aussie Federal election ASAP. Getting a bit worried here that the longer he leaves it before calling the election I will not have enough time to:

1. Decide whether the Greens Drug policies make more or less sense than they did last time. Won't affect my vote, but will provide some comic relief, we need fringe parties after all, though I'm still waiting for the Fringe Benefits. My advice to Bob Brown and the rest of the greens, get a gig at the Adelaide Fringe Festival, the Fringe Festival has become more mainstream, the same might be possible for you;
2. Not be able to assess the free stuff hey offer. The last few elections have provided the first home buyers grant, the baby bonus, and this election promises solar power and water tank benefits. Call the election already so i can assess my free shit options. Aint pickin' a side til i know what's in it for me;
3. Figure out whether we actually have an Australian Labour, or are they trying to steal the Nationals seats in the Coalition. Stop agreeing with each other dammit, show us what you got, at the moment it's a choice between more of the same, and um steering the same tried and tested course;
4. Plan that weekend bender. Of course every weekend is a bender, hence i need as much notice to ensure that i can bend around the requirement to vote.

Good Post Coming Soon

Just so y'all know i am still alive and kicking, all zero of my regular readers and all, i thought I better add something.

So here it is.

Ciao locos