Election Priorities

How are all you Aussies out there doin'.

Getting ready for the big election fight no doubt. I'm excited, I call it "free sh*t time", not election time. The names and faces might change, I don't care, as long as I get my "free sh*t".

Thinking I might start a family soon so I can get this baby bonus thing, buy a house so I can get a grant, and if labor gets in, I can fit it with solar panels, water tanks and other green initiatives to power my subterranean bunker in the event the big one gets dropped. In defence they think of nu-cular bombs as a whole lot of sunshine, so looking on the bright side, when the big one comes, I'll be able to power my bunker for months, based on the one surge that melts my solar panels, and then emerge into a world that is finally free of Capitalism, Globalisation, Overpopulation and Newcastle Knights supporters. It pays to, in the words of "Lord Baden Powell" Be Prepared! Of course this utopia will probably have other problems, like global hunger, poverty, disease (new exciting post nu-cular super viruses and bacteria), but at least we will have licked this whole Global Warming thing, which is the important thing, isn't it?!

Do you get the baby bonus if you adopt, or do I actually have to hold someones hand whilst she delivers our little bundle of lifetime expenses and commitment? Might be worth looking into!

All The Way With JFK, I Mean Kev 07

You, are gonna love this, whereas I on other hand am wearing my devil's advocate hat.

http://www.kevin07.com.au/

On his webpage where he talks about Global Warming/Climate Change, which are interchangeable, according to Kevvie, he has this to say

Climate change is the most pressing challenge we face in the new century. The effects of global warming are already hurting Australia, adding to the current drought. Yet we face even hotter and drier summers, the coral bleaching of the Great Barrier Reef, the loss of our snow fields, increasing droughts, less water for our cities and an increase in the number of devastating bushfires.

How he forgot to add "the disappearance of a random number of my black socks, some cheese going mouldy in my fridge and the fact that I have not had a date in over six month to the plethora of things attributable to Global Warming/Climate change is beyond me. But I suppose we are allowed to have differing priorities.

Did you know John Howard has had secret plans for 25 Nuclear Power stations from 1968, it's on the map therefore it must be true. Anyway, not entirely happy with those selected locations, so i have come up with a few alternates that require further investigation, the beauty of course of my selections is that there aren't any in Melbourne (I still call Melbourne, I still call Melbourne home), and there aren't any in Adelaide where i currently live:

1. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, NSW POSTCODE: 2250
2. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, NSW POSTCODE: 2630
3. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, VIC POSTCODE: 3434
4. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, VIC POSTCODE: 3531
5. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, QLD POSTCODE: 4300
6. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD LAKES, QLD POSTCODE: 4300
7. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, QLD POSTCODE: 4871
8. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, SA POSTCODE: 5062
9. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, WA POSTCODE: 6525
10. LOCATION: SOUTH SPRINGFIELD, TAS POSTCODE
11. LOCATION: SPRINGFIELD, TAS POSTCODE: 7260

Springfield, the ultimate Nuclear Power plant waste dump site. And since i don't live anywhere near Spring field it officially becomes "Somebody Else's Problem", which of course is the best kind. Anyway, I have up until the election to start myself a little family. Might even invest in one of those instant family things, just add money (Like Madonna is doing in Malawi), although i am not sure you can adopt a wife. Once i have a family I will be well placed to take advantage of the:

$10,000 to help up to 200,000 families invest in solar and practical water and energy savings devices.

rebates of up to $500 for around 500,000 households across Australia to install rainwater tanks or grey water pipes.

They'll also receive a free "Green Renovations" pack which includes a water-efficient shower head and energy-efficient light globes.

I personally can't wait, if you add up $10,000 for green initiatives, $500 rebates for my household, the baby bonus for my instant family, first home buyers grant and energy efficient light bulbs, I am gonna be a multi-millionaire. This time next year i will definitely know what Truffles are, and how to spell "Fwois Grass" The light bulbs will definitely be a hit, I am sure Bunnings did it once, and they certainly know how to suck people in. By the way, did not all those grants i just mentioned get dreamed up during an election period. If we had more elections i could be a rich man.

There is just one thing that puzzles me, does this classify as an election stunt as part of the Stunt Election of 2007. Gonna have to watch the news this week, it ain't an election stunt until some politician/reporter calls it one.

kevin07

Global Warming: You have all been Terror-graphed

Torres Strait islands at Risk from Global Warming

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You have all been terror-graphed, which is my way of saying "someone is about to pull the wool over your eyes" In the mad rush to attribute everything to "Global Warming" the Daily Telegraph, in the same story mind you manages to say that the "Sinking" of the "Torres Strait Islands" is due to Global Warming.

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Idiots.

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Global Warming is supposed to cause the sea levels to rise, not the land to sink. The mistake the Telegraph made here is in not consulting Tim Flannery, who has somehow managed to morph from a mammologist and palaeontologist to Australia's foremost expert on Climate. That's okay, I can take a joke. If Flanners can be Australia's foremost Palaeontologist on Global Warming, then I am Australia's foremost Aeronautical Engineer on Feminine Hygiene. Someone got terror-graphed there too.

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In other Global Warming related news, i recently discovered that "Global Warming" is responsible for me having an uneven number of black socks in my sock draw and has been drinking milk directly out of the the 2 litre milk carton in the fridge. Hey, since i am the only one living in my house, that represents a consensus, and as such "Case Closed" You won't see that in the "Daily Telegraph" oh no! No women, children or cute furry animals were involved.

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global warming Tim Flannery

Convict blood in 6m Aussies, Brits

MORE than 4 million Australians and 2 million Britons are related to convicts deported from Britain to Australia in the 18th and 19th centuries, genealogists said today.

Australia, the only country openly proud of it's convict heritage.

They included stealing fish from a river or pond, embezzlement, receiving or buying stolen goods, setting fire to underwood or petty theft.

As a new age Australian citizen (not related in any way to convicts), i think a survey needs to be done into the mental trauma suffered by new arrivals forced to live among the ancestors of fish thieves, embezzlers or pyro-maniacs with an underwood fetish. Surely if the proposal is worded properly, and the words "Global Warming" and "Climate Change" are included in the Masters thesis proposal, some young aussie gun can get this funding approved.

Weekly Horrorscope by A Guy Called Nostrildamus

Monday 23 July 07

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This week Al (my scientists are better than your scientists) Gore will once again continue his crusade to take global warming to the masses, whilst steadfastly refusing to debate the issue with anyone who both disagrees with him, and has a greater than primary school education. His point being it's so obvious even a primary school kids understand it (why else are the kiddies having global warming nightmares), hence debate will be limited to pre-schoolers.

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Recent predictions that petrol prices are expected to drop to close to a dollar a litre will be dismissed as a pre-election stunt by John Howard. How John Howard is supposed to control fuel prices will not be explained, after all, why ruin a good story facts.

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A major newspaper will publish an article implying that John Howard should do more to reduce fuel prices, possibly by reducing fuel taxes. The rationale will be that the Aussie Battler can no longer afford to run his or her car. This same newspaper will publish an article bemoaning Australia's dependence on fossil fuels in light of global warming stating that we need to increase usage of public transport. No irony will detected in either article.

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Thousands of disappointed Australians will spend Monday and Tuesday morning trying to locate Japan on a World map in light of Japan knocking Australia out of Asian Cup. Even more Australians will state that we are not even Asian anyway, and it's not as if it's the World Cup in which case we would have tried harder. These same Australians have no idea who Australian would have faced in the semi finals had it defeated Japan.

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On Monday I will ring my dad again to make sure he is aware that Collingwood defeated Essendon in the AFL on the weekend.

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Should a Federal Election be called this week, as with the previous Federal election, all Liberal supporter will go into hiding in secret bunkers meaning it will be impossible to find anyone willing to admit they intend to vote Liberal.

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This week, Galloping Morgan will publish a survey stating that Kevin Rudd's brother being forced to resign as a member of the Labor party has had no effect on the member of the opposition's preferred prime minister standing. The survey will not indicate what John Howard's position on Rudd's brother donating to the Liberal/National Coalition is.

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Al Gore will once again state that he has no intention to run for US president in 2008 whilst refusing to categorically rule out running for president. He will continue to spend a few minutes each day practising his, "I know i said i wouldn't but the situation is too dire speech." Al Gore supporters, due to insanely high levels of gullibility present in their blood stream will be genuinely surprised when he does announce he is running.

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As soon as Australia's east and southern coast start to warm up, indicating the onset of Spring, every newspaper will publish dire global warming heatwave predictions. This will indicate that Climate Change (who stood in for global warming during the coldest winter in living memory)has left the building and Global Warming is in the house.

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Collingwood will defeat whichever team they are playing.
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Having forgotten who El Nino was whilst Global Warming/Climate change was in the house, Australians will start to re-acquaint themselves with him, just in time to wave goodbye to this foreign weather. Aussies will once again be too preoccupied with Global Warming to get acquainted with La Nina.

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No Cute furry animals were harmed in producing this horrorscope.

Global Warming now world's most boring topic: report

It's in a survey (so it must be true), commissioned by a think tank (so it must be true), and is in The Age Newspaper (so it must be true), don't know about you folks, but I'm sold.

Via Tim Blair, originally on theage.com web page, here

Global warming and the debate over whether man-made carbon gas emissions are having a detrimental influence on climate change has been ranked as the most boring topic of conversation on earth, according to a new report.

The issue of global warming far out-performed other contenders for the title, such as the production of goat cheese, the musical genius of the artist formerly known as P Diddy and media speculation over the likely outcome of the upcoming federal election.

Other key findings of the survey were:

* 89 per cent wanted to know how it was possible for humans to control the climate, given that they have enough trouble forecasting it;

* 96 per cent believe those who use the term "climate change denial" are attempting to equate it with "Holocaust denial";

* 100 per cent of these respondents also believe such people should receive lengthy prison terms for crimes against the English language;

* 79 per cent of the bands that took part in the Live Earth event did so because they feared the planet would be destroyed by global warming before they had a chance to receive free worldwide television exposure;

* 87 per cent only tuned in to watch the lead singer from Sneaky Sound System, who is hot;

* 92 per cent of those same people watched her on mute because they didn't want to hear that song again;

I think the most important factor to remember here is that the girl, Connie from Sneaky Sound System is definitely hot. This is the way it has to be, the wise man wisely said, and since we know she is hot, the rest of the survey must be true.

Fear of a global 'coldening'

Note, while i would like to claim responsibility for the following article, alas i can't the entire thing was copied off the news.com.au webpage here.

By Tim Blair
July 14, 2007 12:00am

LAST month Australians endured our coldest June since 1950. Imagine that; all those trillions of tonnes of evil carbon we've horked up into the atmosphere over six decades of rampant industrialisation, and we're still getting the same icy weather we got during the Cold War.

Not that June should be presented as evidence that global warming isn't happening, or that we're causing it. Relying on such a tiny sample would be unscientific and wrong, even if it involves an entire freakin' continent's weather patterns throughout the course of a whole month, for Christ's sake.

No such foolishness will be indulged in here.
Sadly, those who believe in global warming - and who would compel us also to believe - aren't similarly constrained. A few hot days are all they ever need to get the global warming bandwagon rolling; evidently it's solar powered. Here, for example, is an Australian Associated Press report on May's weather, which in places was a little warmer than usual:

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Anyway, read the full article at the Telegraph webpage, here.

Was gonna gratuitoutsly stick the boot in to my good friend Michelle at this point about the weather sometimes being just, well you know the weather, and a drought just a drought, but alas, I am too much of a gentlemen for that.

AIRCON DOWN

Via Tim B, and taken from.

Monday, July 09, 2007 (112 Comments)
by Alex Papadimoulis
Not too long ago, there was a small furor in the local media about a major disaster at The State's Technology Services Division. The details were a bit sketchy – mostly because The State was “unable to comment on an ongoing investigation” – but what was reported was that, for two full days, employees of The State were unable to logon to their computers or access email, and that this caused business within The State to grind to a halt.

As the “investigation” carried on, the media lost interest in the story and moved on to more newsworthy stories like who Paris Hilton was partying with last weekend. Fortunately for us, a certain employee of The State named J.N. works in the Technology Services Division and decided to share what really was behind those fateful days.
When employees of The State came in to work following a three day weekend, they found their workstations overloaded with "cannot logon" and "Exchange communication" error messages. The Network Services folks had it even worse: the server room was a sweltering 109° Fahrenheit and filled with dead or dying servers.
At first, everyone had assumed that the Primary A/C, the Secondary A/C, and the Tertiary A/C had all managed to fail at once. But after cycling the power, the A/Cs all fired up and brought the room back to a cool 64°. At the time, the “why” wasn’t so important: the network administrators had to figure out how to bring online the four Exchange Services, six Domain Controllers, a few Sun servers, and the entire State Tax Commission’s server farm. Out of all of the downed servers, those were the only ones that did not come back to life upon a restart.
They worked day and night to order new equipment, build new servers, and restore everything from back-up. Countless overtime hours and nearly two hundred thousand dollars in equipment costs later, they managed to bring everything back online. When the Exchange servers were finally restored, the following email finally made its way to everyone's inbox, conveniently answering the “why”
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From: ----- -----------
To: IT Department
Re: A/C constantly running.
To whom it may concern,
I came in today (Monday) to finish up a project I was working
on before our big meeting with the State ----- Commission tomorrow,
and I noticed that there were three or four large air conditioners
running the entire time I was here. Since it's a three day weekend,
no one is around, why do we need to have the A/C running 24/7?
With all the power that all those big computers in that room use, I
doubt it is really eco-friendly to run those big units at the same
time. And all computers have cooling fans anyway, so why put the A/C
for the building in that room?
I got a keycard from [the facility manager’s] desk and shut off the
A/C units. I'm sure you guys can deal with it being warm for an hour
or two when you come in tomorrow morning.
In the future, let's try to be a little more conscientious of our
energy usage!
Thanks,
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As for the employee who sent it, he decided to take an early retirement.