Call The Friggin' Election Already

Respect to our fearless leader John Winston Howard, but call this Aussie Federal election ASAP. Getting a bit worried here that the longer he leaves it before calling the election I will not have enough time to:

1. Decide whether the Greens Drug policies make more or less sense than they did last time. Won't affect my vote, but will provide some comic relief, we need fringe parties after all, though I'm still waiting for the Fringe Benefits. My advice to Bob Brown and the rest of the greens, get a gig at the Adelaide Fringe Festival, the Fringe Festival has become more mainstream, the same might be possible for you;
2. Not be able to assess the free stuff hey offer. The last few elections have provided the first home buyers grant, the baby bonus, and this election promises solar power and water tank benefits. Call the election already so i can assess my free shit options. Aint pickin' a side til i know what's in it for me;
3. Figure out whether we actually have an Australian Labour, or are they trying to steal the Nationals seats in the Coalition. Stop agreeing with each other dammit, show us what you got, at the moment it's a choice between more of the same, and um steering the same tried and tested course;
4. Plan that weekend bender. Of course every weekend is a bender, hence i need as much notice to ensure that i can bend around the requirement to vote.

Weekly Horrorscope by A Guy Called Nostrildamus

Tuesday 31 July 07
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This John Winston Howard, flush from his recent Birthday trip to East Timor, will be forced to deny that he had anything to do with the Dr Mohammed Haneef Incarceration for terrorism. He will further be forced to deny that he influenced the Commonwealth Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) in his review of the case and that he was aware of the existence of the DPP or what his role is. It's called culpable deniablility.
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This week noone will be held accountable for releasing Dr Haneef's private details, including e-mail adsdresses, home adresses of family members, mobile phone numbers and other private detrails, including that hisf avourite colour is not purple, when his lawyer leaked his interview transcript to the media.
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Aguycalledbrad will fail to be acknowledged as the individual who had this transcript removed from The Age and Australian Web pages, when he pointed out to the editors that is was not fair include personal details of people not involved in the case, especially since Australia, like every other country has it's own fair share of nutcases ready to waive innocence until proven guilty based on a story in the "Daily Telegraph".
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Ninety nine percent of Australians, including my friend Michelle who stayed up getting Asian Cup Quarter Finals highlights via text message from me (Australia Lost on penalties), will not be able to name the eventual finalists or the winner of the Asian Cup.
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Should a Federal Election be called this week, as with the previous Federal election, all Liberal supporters will go into hiding in secret bunkers meaning it will be impossible to find anyone willing to admit they intend to vote Liberal.
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At least three polls will be published showing that the Labor government holds an election winning lead, and would have been a shoo-in if the election had been held yesterday, last week, last weekend or whenever. None of these polls will mention that the same occured during the last three elections. No point undermining the credibility of a questionable poll with inconvenient historical facts or context.
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Someone will suggest that Dr Haneef needs to sue the Commonwealth for damages. I know that i would.
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Al Gore will again refuse to justify why his personal Carbon Footprint (excluding all the international air travel he does) is so much higher than the average Americans. The Truly Inconvenient Truth that GW Bush, has a much lower Carbon footprint than Gore will fail to be discussed at all in the media.
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Collingwood will defeat whichever team they are playing.--
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No Cute furry animals were harmed in producing this horrorscope.

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